I’ve just been vaguely drunk since Thursday night.
Let’s talk for a minute about Cap’n Crunch. It’s incredibly delicious, as we can all agree (and if you don’t you can go directly home and put a bunch of Cap’n Crunch in your ass), but it also cuts up your mouth like a spoonful of glass shards. You face the painful choice: do you let it soak in milk until it’s soggy but no longer painful, or you can just chomp down on that agonizing stabmouth and hope to taste the deliciousness around your own blood.
Or you could do what I do, and break all the Cap’n Crunch into large crumbs in a Ziploc baggie, and then drop the crumbs into the milk one spoonful at a time, immediately snatching it back out and cramming it in your mouth before it get properly soggy.
And then you have to take a few moments and wonder how, exactly, you managed to lose your virginity when you care that much about perfect Cap’n Crunch.
Tomorrow, when I am not quite so drunk, I will tell you all about the amazing, moving, sociologically profound film Zardoz, and why you should immediately watch it. (In case you are wondering it’s a terrible movie about Sean Connery in a red bikini.)